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Article Source: The Huffington PostMonogamy is failing men.
Not only is it failing them, but it's a "socially compelled sexual incarceration" that can lead to a life of anger and contempt, or so says Eric Anderson, an American sociologist at England's University of Winchester and author of the provocative new book, The Monogamy Gap: Men, Love, and the Reality of Cheating (Oxford University Press, $49.99).
Vicki Larson
In his study of 120 undergraduate men, 78 percent of those who had a partner cheated, "even though they said that they loved and intended to stay with their partner." Contrary to what we may think, most men aren't cheating because they don't love their partner, he says; they cheat because they just want to have sex with others. And society shouldn't pooh-pooh that.
#1 - Sat Jan 7, 2012 1:44 PM ESTI'm not buying it. If you truly love somebody , you are totally dedicated to them.
tzia62- I think if they just love themselves- they cheat. If they truely love someone else they are respectful of the other person. To me love means: Loving and caring about somebody more than you love or care about yourself.
Par4The Course- This is a very dangerous seed...LOL... You're brave.
Both men and women cheat for the same reasons. At the moment they are cheating, they care about only themselves. They do NOT have the capacity to care for another.
#2 - Sat Jan 7, 2012 5:38 PM ESTMen & Women are taking in by the moment... It takes both to cheat..
Right. But I was commenting on the article title I guess. Its not just men that cheat. Women do to and for the same reasons.
Dawn may- Don't think I missed you! How are you? I meant to come back to a seed yesterday to say hello but the seed went quiet and I couldn't find it?
Z!P2 was on it as well ?? sorry..to the both of you.
I am divorced because my husband found a younger model. I think he wandered away because we did not spend enough time together. We had less and less fun and more and more responsibilities--me with the kids and him with his work. We should have reserved more time just for each other and had some fun. Couples who are really dedicated to each other seem to find that time just for each other. My EX- just got tired of trying to find the time to be with me and found a substitute who did not have the obligations of children. GOOD Article because it makes the reader think.
#3 - Sun Jan 8, 2012 12:54 AM ESTCarolyn Johansen. Wait until he figures out he can't divorce himself. Lol ...Some lessons are painful.
What comes around, goes around. Wait until his younger model ends up cheating on him. He who still has children that he is obligated to, and has to find time for them instead of her.
Rhonda-326232 -- it already happened--she dumped him after a year of marriage. He expected her to be available at his whim--she left him and cleaned his clock financially. She did her research before she left him. I wish I had been that clever and had seen it coming because then the kids would have had an easier time growing up , financially. His oldest daughter barely talks to him and his oldest son does not AT ALL. Too many bad memories & most of them his fault.
I left my wife for a woman my own age, (wife is 14 years older than me). It wasn't about age...it was more about wanting to go out and do things.. Go to a movie, go to a nice dinner, go for walks...etc.. My wife never wanted to leave the house. Well, it got old coming home from work, taking a shower, and ploping on the couch to watch tele. Did I ask her if she wanted to go do something? Yep. Many times. Asking got old. I met a woman at work, my age...we became friends, started to go do things together...... A movie here and there...dinner from time to time...well.. You know what happend. Was it the right thing to do? No. But it DID happen. Why do men cheat? Many reasons I am sure, I doubt that every situation has the same qualities.. My sister cheated on her husband, and she had every right to, and the entire family supported her in it... Not just because she was family....but because of her situation...
I don't believe in cheating..I think when you take that vow it should mean something. If you are not happy with your spouse anymore then you should sit them down and discuss the point that you are know longer happy and then proceed with divorce proceedings. Give that person the same respect that you would want, then both move on and heal.
#4 - Mon Jan 9, 2012 3:22 PM ESTKim- You're going to find many who will agree with you on those statements. I think that's how it should be as well.
"Give that person the same respect that you would want"I could never understand why you would want to hurt someone you loved. Or if they are the dad/mom of your children.
Thank you Par and Wizard! I just cant fathom the concept of cheating, and 80% of divorces end because of infidelity, that is crazy. It, IMO, is just not hard to have a conversation with your spouse and say listen, I'm sorry, I want out. Dont ever cause hurt or pain to someone on purpose, it is not necessary.
Dont ever cause hurt or pain to someone on purpose, it is not necessary.
Who knows.. by sitting down and "Communicating", might help to mend the fences too.. like a councilor .. may end up being what they might need, and have a better relationship afterwards...if not.. you part in a friendly way ..
Kim & Par, Agreed, If you can't talk to your spouse I'm thinking you have communication problems. Now I guess if they don't want to hear it or not speak to you it just means the conversation probably should have been done earlier.
I had friends tell me "Dude"Just slam her..I'm like why would I want to slam someone I loved. ??? That's the last person I would want to slam. Why, because I didn't get what I wanted..Therein lies the real issue.
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